He has effectively broken up with you already. Should I just enjoy the time we’re together?Ī: I hesitate to sound glib here, but … how can you enjoy the time you’re together if you two don’t actually spend time together? You’ve seen him roughly once a month for the past three months, he’s stopped responding to your texts, and he’s demonstrated no interest in talking to you about when his schedule might potentially open up or how the two of you can stay in touch in the meantime. I really like him and we are great when we’re together. Last month I asked him if he just isn’t interested anymore, if our relationship has fizzled for him, and he said that’s not it at all-it’s just how overworked he is. Then I asked what his plans for the weekend were and he just didn’t respond.
Last Friday I asked if he wanted to go out with me and my friends and he said he just wanted to stay in. But going from seeing him frequently to hardly ever, compounded by our lack of text communication, is making me consider ending the relationship. On the one hand, I understand that Sam is overworked, and he’s also introverted, so he likes to have time alone on weekends. Seven people have quit his company in the past couple months because it made them work late and on weekends. His job got crazy busy after he got promoted. He’s never been a very good texter, but in the past few months now I see him about once or twice a month. We both have busy jobs but made time for each other. When we first started dating, we used to see each other about twice a week. It’s my longest relationship and his longest relationship even though I’m 27 and he’s 33. Should we break up? I’ve been dating “Sam” for about 10 months. I hope it goes well, and keep us updated! You don’t have to take yourself out of romantic contention just because he’s the first man you’ve slept with. You don’t need to preface your feelings with speculation about his, like, “I know you probably don’t want to date anyone so soon after your breakup” or “Sarah thinks you’ve been in love with me for years.” He knows that you haven’t dated guys before, so you can let him decide whether that’s a “risk” he cares to run. Tell him that you’re attracted to him, that you care about him, and that you would be interested in going on a date or having sex again or whatever else you’re interested in exploring with him, then ask him how he feels.
Talk to Greg in person, make it clear that the morning-after work emergency was real and terribly timed and not just an excuse to avoid having a post-sex conversation with him. It’s a risk, I suppose, in the sense that asking out anyone is a risk, but it’s not such an inherently risky proposition that you shouldn’t do it. Asking a friend to go out with you is not hurtful. You are allowed to come out as bisexual if you’re only attracted to one of your friends named Greg and haven’t first run a hypothetical attraction test on all the other men in the world. You are allowed to come out as bisexual in your late 20s. He worried that it was his “fault” and that I wouldn’t want to be friends anymore. But he concluded I was angry with him, texted me an upset-sounding apology. I also texted him the same information, just in case. I had to leave early the next morning for a work emergency, so I left him a note (along with a glass of water and some aspirin) explaining why I had to leave. I initiated it, and he asked several times if I was OK with what we were doing. I was at his place recently, comforting him over a breakup we got drunk and slept together. Possibly bisexual: I have always identified as a straight guy, but I am recently panicked and confused by feelings for my best friend (a gay man), “Greg.” We’ve known each other since college and have always been close. Here’s an edited transcript of this week’s chat.ĭaniel Mallory Ortberg: Hi, everyone! Hope you all enjoyed the break-now it’s back to your regularly scheduled Dear Prudence. Help! My Mother Keeps Putting My Newborn in Danger.ĭaniel Mallory Ortberg is online weekly to chat live with readers.